To Tell or Not to Tell

May 16, 2016

There are two kinds of people I know. First, those who can tell people what he thinks easily, as if giving out opinion is a daily routine. And second, those who just can't blurt out what he thinks, even though the reason varies. It wasn't divided as simple as that, though. But for some amount of people I've met for these 21 years of my life, I think these two categories generally exist.

I've met numbers of people with strong characters. Most of them are good in giving opinions and never afraid of thinking out loud. This type of people knows what they want and what they don't, what they like and what they don't. Some of them are condescending, even though some of them are giving out opinions just because they think it's necessary.

I have friends with this type of character. It's always fun hanging out with them because they always have things to talk about. As they giving out opinion you can always get new insights and another perspective of life.

What pisses me off is when they don't know where to stop. This type of people doesn't care what people think of them. When in some cases I think this trait is a trait we all need to not to get stressed out about what we should do to make society accepts our existence, but on the other side it seems like the most important thing is what they believe and the rest of people is just a bunch of tiny matchstick that sparks for a while.

I believe not all people like this. It's just that I have that one particular friend that is, and when he starts talking about his life, his job, his opinions, his perspective about everything, I'll be just, okay, all right, my feet are suddenly seems more interesting.

On the other hand, I've also met lots of the second type of people. Most of this type of people suck at critical thinking. I knew because I'm somewhat related with this type of character. People may think I have no problem speaking out my mind (because I write blogs?), but really, I find it hard to give out the exact opinion that crossed my mind. For my case, perhaps it's because I'm an avid overthinker and I'm always too afraid to face the response I'll get from people. I care about what people think of me. I'm worried if I'm not good enough.

Therefore, as I said, the reasons are varied for each person. I often listen to their unspoken opinion to public, and sometimes it's big and exceptional.

Despite all this blabbering and such and such, I believe these two type of character has its own privilege and it's not something we can just choose and then live with it forever. Both of them exist to fill each other. Imagine a world full of people giving out opinions. Freaking loud. It's only a matter of control, isn't it?

Talking is easy, though. In real life all I can do is keeping my mouth shut.

Or whining. I'm good at it.

Tentang Kuliah

May 03, 2016

Saya lagi ada di titik dimana saya mempertanyakan semuanya. Mempertanyakan sebenernya saya lagi ngapain dan buat apa, sih. Why I can't get my shit together, kenapa semuanya keteteran, dan siapa saya sebenernya? Lah tiba-tiba filosofis tapi gimana dong...

Tugas kuliah yang banyak ini kalo dikerjain butuh waktu yang lama. Belum lagi kegiatan-kegiatan yang saya ikuti. Semuanya jadi numpuk. Mau diberesin satu-satu tapi mikirinnya aja udah pusing. Ya emang bukan dipikirin sih, Ca, dikerjain.

Kalo udah keteteran gini suka pengen jadi mahasiswa kupu-kupu aja. Kayaknya enak gitu abis kuliah bisa istirahat dulu, jadi bisa ngerjain tugas dengan kondisi yang fit. Padahal nggak gitu juga, sih. Ada temen saya yang tugasnya lancar, kegiatan organisasinya lancar. Cantik lagi. Istri idaman banget pokoknya.

Saya jadi bertanya-tanya, ikut organisasi buat apa sih? Kenapa ribet banget ngurusin masalah orang? Terlepas dari serunya kenal sama orang-orang baru, tau kepribadian orang yang macem-macem, dan organisasi sebagai distraksi tugas yang kadang mengasyikkan, sebenernya apa, ya, yang saya cari dari kegiatan ini? Atau justru memang alasan-alasan tadi?

Saya sebenernya orang yang seperti apa, sih? Orang yang senang berorganisasi? Nggak, juga. Akademis? Nggak. Saya suka apa? Saya ingin mencapai apa? Saya, saya, saya.

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